{"id":11555,"date":"2025-09-12T11:31:50","date_gmt":"2025-09-12T09:31:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.margaritamayo.com\/?p=11555"},"modified":"2025-10-23T13:22:23","modified_gmt":"2025-10-23T11:22:23","slug":"why-feedback-makes-you-a-more-authentic-leader","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.margaritamayo.com\/en\/why-feedback-makes-you-a-more-authentic-leader\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Feedback Makes You a More Authentic Leader"},"content":{"rendered":"

Introduction<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Imagine you’re in a meeting and someone offers a suggestion to improve how you communicate with your team. Is your instinct to thank them\u2026 or to get defensive? What you do in that moment could be the difference between staying stuck and growing as a person\u2014and as a leader.<\/p>\n

In my 25+ years of working with executives, I\u2019ve noticed something fascinating: the most effective leaders are not those who appear flawless, but those who show up as real. And one of the most powerful ways to cultivate that authenticity is through feedback.<\/p>\n

What if you could see yourself through someone else\u2019s eyes?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Would you be surprised?<\/p>\n

Feedback Is Emotional, Not Just Rational<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"FeedbaclWe often assume feedback is a logical process: someone tells us what we do well (or not), we take notes, and improve. But neuroscience tells a different story. Receiving negative feedback activates the same brain regions associated with physical pain, particularly the anterior cingulate cortex<\/strong> (Eisenberger, Lieberman & Williams, 2003). It\u2019s not just data\u2014it\u2019s emotion.<\/a><\/p>\n

Criticism, even if constructive, threatens our ego and self-image. Instead of listening openly, we often respond defensively\u2014denial, justification, or even counterattacking.<\/p>\n

Why Is It So Hard to Listen?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

According to Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman<\/strong>, we operate with two mental systems: System 1 (fast, automatic, emotional) and System 2 (slow, reflective, rational). When we receive feedback, System 1 tends to kick in first, interpreting it as a threat. That\u2019s when we shut down\u2014just when we most need to learn.<\/p>\n

The Overconfidence Bias: The Dunning-Kruger Effect<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"TheA classic study by Dunning & Kruger (1999)<\/strong> found that people with the lowest skills tend to overestimate themselves. In one experiment, students in the 12th percentile thought they were in the 62nd. The less competent, the more confident.<\/p>\n

This shows up in corporate life, too. When I ask executives to rate their leadership performance, over 90% place themselves above average. Statistically impossible\u2014but very human.<\/p>\n

The Social Mirror: Feedback Reveals Who You Really Are<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"TheIn a study we published in Harvard Business Review (Mayo et al., 2016)<\/em>, we analyzed how MBA students responded to 360-degree feedback from teammates. Initially, many overestimated themselves\u2014but over time, some adjusted their self-perception based on what others reflected.<\/p>\n

Interestingly, women were more likely to integrate feedback and align their self-view with peers. Men tended to maintain an inflated self-image even when peer data said otherwise. Ignoring feedback can quietly block your growth.<\/p>\n

Here is the video with a graphic explanation:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Feedback as a Catalyst for Authenticity<\/strong><\/h2>\n

One leadership myth is that we must project total confidence. But research says otherwise. True confidence comes from self-awareness, accepting our limits, and showing willingness to learn. In other words, authenticity is more powerful than perfection<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Receiving feedback without becoming defensive is an act of humility\u2014one of the most research-supported traits of effective leaders (Owens & Hekman, 2012). Humble leaders create psychological safety<\/strong>, where teams feel free to speak up, take risks, and learn.<\/p>\n

How to Train Your Mind to Receive Feedback Better<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Here are three research-backed strategies:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Reframe Feedback as a Gift<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Instead of seeing it as criticism, view feedback as a growth opportunity. Training your brain to see learning as a continuous process reduces threat and increases openness. This is what Carol Dweck (2006)<\/strong> calls a growth mindset<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Regulate Emotions Before Responding<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Take a breath. Activate System 2. Ask: \u201cWhat part of this feedback could help me, even if it’s uncomfortable?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Ask for Specific Examples<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        The more specific the feedback, the easier it is to act on. Ask: \u201cCould you give me an example of when you saw that?\u201d<\/em> This shows genuine interest in improvement.<\/p>\n

        Feedback Makes You Not Just a Better Leader\u2014But a More Human One<\/strong><\/p>\n

        Accepting that we don\u2019t have all the answers, and learning from others, shifts us from ego-driven leadership to connection-driven leadership. It doesn’t just improve performance\u2014it boosts team wellbeing.<\/p>\n

        Research on stress and workplace psychology (Bakker & Demerouti, 2007) shows that authentic leadership<\/strong>\u2014which includes openness to feedback\u2014improves motivation, reduces burnout, and increases job satisfaction.<\/p>\n

        In Summary:<\/strong><\/p>\n